Updated Hair Regimens!

I finally updated our hair regimens!

Feel free to ask questions.

As far as my hair regimen, Mine is pretty much similar to when I was relaxed. Except that I don't use a relaxer anymore.  My hair is not long at the moment, but the top is since I have been growing that out more. But many of the techniques still work.

For MadiMel's hair regimen, it is pretty much the same. Some products have been added and some switched to new ones.  I will not say the replaced products didn't work anymore, it was time to try something different and it has worked just fine, probably a little better for her.

Keep in mind when you do create a hair regimen, use it as a guide. Don't let it guide you. There will be times, you will miss a wash day, deep conditioning and forget to moisturize your hair for a week. It's okay. Just get back right on track when you can. Trust me, I am not perfect with my hair regimen, but I still maintain what needs to be done when I can.  In essence, just practice healthy hair techniques and you are good to go. I feel that products enhance the beauty and health of your hair.

Sdestra's Natural Hair Regimen                               MadiMel's Natural Hair Regimen

Enjoy and God bless!

My Child's Hair Stopped Growing - Another Reason Besides Breakage

My child's hair stopped growing.  
I hear that very often.

I wrote about this before, but elsewhere and never posted it here. Decided to share it with you all.

When I first started my daughter's hair journey, I thought the same at one point because it seemed as though her hair stayed stuck in one length for a while.  I thought it was because her hair was breaking. But her ends were always healthy.

Many of us who are currently on a hair journey went through the phase where we thought that the hair was not growing.  And many of us learned that the hair will always grow, it's just that maintenance and length retention was key to keep what has grown out of the scalp. 

But hair does grow unless there is an underlying medical condition hindering it.  We have to remember that the oldest part of the hair are the ends and we need to take care of it more. When the ends are not taken care of properly, it will slowly break off as fast as it is growing from the scalp.  Making it appear that the hair is not growing.

But what about our kids whose hair we take care of religiously?  We follow every routine in their hair regimen, moisturize every night, deep condition...etc.? But it seems as though he or she is stuck at one length.

The hair is still growing.  But with children....let us remember that they still go through a growth process and go through growth spurts as well.  As they grow taller, their height can take away from the length of the hair.

Being adults, we stop growing taller at around a certain age.  We stay the same height from then on.  During our hair journey, we will see the length fall at certain points on our bodies as long as we maintain it to retain it. 

My daughter is currently 10 years old. Her hair length has been toggling between below waist and tail bone length. It is not a big issue for me because I know how we have been working to maintain her hair length.  She is getting taller so I do not make her hair length an issue at this point.

In keeping track of your child's hair growth progress, I recommend that measuring the length of the hair, than to rely on where it sits on their body is better. Here are also factors to consider, your child's hair growth rate as well.  Side note: personally, mine grows less than half an inch per month.

Despite that, it is still important to continue to the healthy methods you have been using on your child's hair.

*Washing/Conditioning
*Cowash more and shampoo only as needed
*Combing from ends to roots with a wide tooth comb
*Moisturize the hair ends often or as needed
*Using Oils on the scalp to help promote healthy hair growth
*Using the LOC/LCO Method to help with moisture
*Avoid too much tension when braiding/styling
*Keep moisturizing and using protective styles to protect the hair ends and retain length
*Try not to use too much hair accessories with metal connectors or pieces that can snag the hair
*Using a satin scarf around their heads or have them sleep on a satin pillow case
*Try focusing on the health of your child's hair and the growth will be an added bonus
*Measure the hair instead of relying on where it falls on the back will protect youfrom discouragement & disappointment.
*KEEP YOUR CHILDREN HEALTHY!!!!! EAT RIGHT, STAY ACTIVE & TAKE VITAMINS!

Thanks for reading!

Blow Drying Natural Hair - Tension Method

I don't really blow dry my daughter's hair. It is on a rare ocassion when it is done.  But I usually stretch it out first to elongate her hair before styling.

Some people thought it took my hours to dry her hair because of the amount of it she has.  Actually, it takes me about 30 to 45 minutes.  The key to this is technique is to keep the hair parted.  From the time I wash her hair to blow drying it, I keep her hair parted in sections.  Those things help avoid tangling during each processes.  Each section is worked on at a time and results in a quick and effortless process with everything.

The tension method works well for us because I do not have to use a comb attachment to dry her hair.  Using a comb attachment adds more stress to the hair.  Pulling, possibly tangles and breakage as well.

Basically, a section of hair is held down firmly while the blow dryer is run up and down the length of the hair using low heat.  Cool setting can be used as well.

Below is the video on how I do it, products used and results.

Relaxed Haired, Weaved & Wig Wearing Mothers: "You Are A Poor Example For Your Daughter"

Do you take care of your daughter(s) as well as you take care of yourself? If yes, then you are an awesome mother!

 

Who is there to judge you?

 

I thought it would be frowned upon if you as a mom were well groomed all the time, but your child looks neglected most of the time. Or if your lifestyle choices were not so healthy for their mental and physical growth...then I can see how the phrase, "bad example" would apply.

Over time and now more recently, I have been getting several to many emails from mothers about this topic.  Many of these mothers are getting bad mouthed or insulted for having relaxed hair, wear a hair weave or wig while their daughter(s) have natural hair.  I do have relaxed hair and my daughter has natural hair.  No big deal. Our hairs are healthy respectively and I don't see a "problem".  Really, I don't.  I honestly did not ever want to post anything about this topic, but felt maybe a person can benefit from it.

 

I too have been called a poor example as a mother, from people I personally know. I have gotten snide comments too. Back handed compliments: "You have pretty hair, but you should cut it all off and go natural for your daughter". And several social media outlets, I was told that I should not be giving hair advice to mothers with natural haired children.  But I still do and my lovely ladies benefit.

 

A while back, someone had questioned me about how I would have handled a situation if my daughter asked to be relaxed.  I went into a whole explanation about how I raise my daughter.  I sounded like I was being defensive to prove how well and how I plan on raising her. Thinking about it now, it was unnecessary to explain myself.  I was the idiot and sounded pathetic for doing that and giving this individual my time.

*Have my daughter asked for her hair to be relaxed?  Not yet and if she asks, I will ask her why.
 

*Has she asked for her hair to be STRAIGHTENED? Her answer to my "why" question: "I just want to see what it looks like straight."

I agree that hair can be an example for a young girl as far as grooming routine or styling choices. I also feel that it is okay for children to be curious with their question, you ask them why and go from there. Many say that when they ask for their hair to be straightened or relaxed, they have self-esteem challenges and it is our fault because of what we portray ourselves as. Huh? That is not the only ONE REASON why a young girl wants to have their hair straightened, weaved or relaxed.  It does not mean that the only reason why she asked is because she has identity challenges and that it is the fault of the mother.

What about outside exposure, influence and being around their peers that can trigger these thoughts and questions?

On another note, mothers who have decided to "transition" or "big chopped" to go natural, do it for different reasons that are relative to themselves.  I have heard reasons from them admiring their own daughter's hair, to them wanting to try something new.

But I do not feel that hair is the ONLY way to be a good example for a child...let us be a good example all around. Give your children the whole package.

 

How about these situations? 

• I received an email from a natural haired mother almost a year ago whose daughter asked to get her hair relaxed because she likes her friend's relaxed hair.
• An email from a mother who has very loose natural curls and her daughter has tightly coiled hair. Her daughter is upset that she doesn't have hair like hers.
• I read about a mother who is suffering from early balding and has to wear a wig, but her 13 year old daughter wants to wear one too.

So to my lovely mothers who have sent and been sending me messages in regards to this issue for over quite some time (although I did answer them)....pick your battles and keep being the awesome mother that you are.  Take care of your children, keep them well rounded and be a good positive role model the best way you know how.  Keep doing you.

And to the lovely mothers who want to give a side eye to a relaxed, weaved up or wig wearing mother, please stop. There is a way to give constructive criticism without cheap shots.  Divert those eyes to your beautiful children and be a positive example for them.
 

And what good example is one being if they are tearing another mother down because of her hair choices?  We have to do better ladies!

Thanks for reading, we'll chat soon!

Twisted FroHawk on MadiMel's Natural Hair (Mohawk/Fauxhawk)

I had posted a photo of my daughter, MadiMel's hair on Instagram, Facebook and other sites and it has become popular.  I saw the same or similar hair style on so many different sites, many different times, etc. And I know that so many people have done it themselves. I came across a few people whho stopped me and asked about her hair style.  I gave them my Youtube channel information and told them a video will be posted soon.

It was one morning, I did not feel like doing much with her hair after being styled in a bun.  It seemed too much to deal with and I woke up tired.  I decided to try out the style on her hair since she was in between hair styles anyway. And the results were good.  MadiMel is at that age where she is becoming picky, so when she saw this style, she fell in love and couldn't stop staring at her hair.

After posting the photo, I received so many requests to do a tutorial.  I finally posted it today and hope you like it!  Take care and God bless!

FAQ: "Should I Relax My Child's Hair?"

Before I get into why I did not or have not relaxed my daughter's hair, let us address the title to this blog post first.

When is a good age to relax a child's hair? I can not tell anyone that. That course of action is entirely up to the person. But I will say this, If you are not educationally ready or prepared to care for relaxed hair, do not do it.  If your daughter is not mature, is not responsible and old enough to understand what you have learned about caring for relaxed hair, don't do it. If your reasons include relaxing the hair to be a quick fix and a resolution to all, don't do it.

Just because there are relaxers marketed for young girls does not mean it is okay for them.  But consider the care after the relaxer treatment.  Plenty of times I have seen thinned out, severe breakage around the edges and matted hair on young beautiful girls.  It is obvious that the hair was not maintained or cared for properly.

No matter what you do with any type of hair (natural, relaxed, texturized); education, proper care, knowledge and understanding lead to a successful hair journey.

I have been on blogs, forums and facebook fan pages geared to children's hair care.  On several ocassions, the questions from mothers/caregivers wanting to relax their daughter(s) hair and should they comes up.  I have also received the same question a few times, although my daughter's hair is natural. The question is, Why? And I am not asking the question as to why do you want to put chemicals in her hair, obviously there is more to it.  But what are your reasons behind wanting to relax your child's hair?

Here are the reasons I have seen with the question above:

* It will save me time.
* It will be easier to manage the hair.
* It will show my child's hair length.
* It looks better.
* My daughter's hair is so "nappy". (I cringe at the word nappy.)
* Styling is easier with relaxed hair.
* She cries when I style her hair.
* I don't like her hair texture.
* I don't understand why her hair is not like my family's hair.
* The children at school make fun of her hair.
* She wants to be like her friends.
* Her father complains on how the hair looks.
* I want her to be like her friends.
* My family feels that she needs it.
* She is the only/few girls that are (insert racial background here) with afro hair and her classmates have straight hair.
* My friend's daughter's hair is relaxed and it is beautiful.
* My daughter cries because she feels different from every one.

These are just a few I have seen. Just a FEW! My thing is, the reasons above will be relevant to the person and makes sense to them...maybe not to me nor to you.  I know some of you are saying that some of the reasons are shallow.  But to the person, the reasons may be shallow...but valid, emotional or thoughtless to some. But it is what they truly feel, because they have to deal with their own situation at hand.

If you relax your child's hair, are you ready to care for it the way it should be cared for?  Did you do research to see what relaxed hair needs?  Did you consider how it will affect your child's developing scalp? Are you relaxed yourself, with a beautiful head of hair and plan on taking your daughter with you to get her hair done too (extra $$ spent)? Are you going to teach her how to care for it?

Now let us briefly talk about me.

My daughter, MadiMel, as you all know, has natural hair.  Am I planning to relax her? No.  Has the thought crossed my mind? Yes, before I started her natural hair journey (when mine started). I had my goal set on relaxing her hair when she turned 8,9 or 10 years old. My reasons were: Her hair was coarse, it was challenging to manage, thought it would look cute.  Basically, I just wanted to relax her hair and keep it moving.

Since she was a toddler, my train of thought was, How can I care for her hair now before I start relaxing it?  And guess what, I learned and conquered.  Since I educated myself and researched, there was and is no need for it.   It completely changed my mind about doing it at 8, 9 or 10 years old.  I just won't any more and you can see why.

And yes, she just turned 8 years old. I feel that she is young now and does not need it since I have done research to care for her natural hair while she was and is young.  She is extremely active, sits upside down to watch a show or movie, cartwheels, flips...she is too active.  If she decides to do it when she is much older and can afford it, I will share my techniques because I have been doing a decent job with my own relaxed hair.  She is currently learning how to care for her natural hair and she may just stick with it into her adult years.

Things to consider when relaxing your child's hair (some reiterated):

* The child's age
* Scalp sensitivity to chemicals
* Breakage if not cared for properly
* New growth
* Dryness
* Maintenance
* Time
* Knowledge is key, but will you put in the effort
* Money

Think about the things I mentioned above, before you make a big step as to relaxing your child's hair.

What other things would you say to someone who wants to relax their child's hair?
(Please be respectful within your comments below :-) )

MadiMel's Night Time Hair Routine - Natural Hair (Children's Hair)

Many have asked me about MadiMel's night time hair routine.  It is explained in the video below.
Enjoy the video and ask questions!

 

We'll chat later and God Bless!

-Sdestra