FAQ: "Should I Relax My Child's Hair?"

Before I get into why I did not or have not relaxed my daughter's hair, let us address the title to this blog post first.

When is a good age to relax a child's hair? I can not tell anyone that. That course of action is entirely up to the person. But I will say this, If you are not educationally ready or prepared to care for relaxed hair, do not do it.  If your daughter is not mature, is not responsible and old enough to understand what you have learned about caring for relaxed hair, don't do it. If your reasons include relaxing the hair to be a quick fix and a resolution to all, don't do it.

Just because there are relaxers marketed for young girls does not mean it is okay for them.  But consider the care after the relaxer treatment.  Plenty of times I have seen thinned out, severe breakage around the edges and matted hair on young beautiful girls.  It is obvious that the hair was not maintained or cared for properly.

No matter what you do with any type of hair (natural, relaxed, texturized); education, proper care, knowledge and understanding lead to a successful hair journey.

I have been on blogs, forums and facebook fan pages geared to children's hair care.  On several ocassions, the questions from mothers/caregivers wanting to relax their daughter(s) hair and should they comes up.  I have also received the same question a few times, although my daughter's hair is natural. The question is, Why? And I am not asking the question as to why do you want to put chemicals in her hair, obviously there is more to it.  But what are your reasons behind wanting to relax your child's hair?

Here are the reasons I have seen with the question above:

* It will save me time.
* It will be easier to manage the hair.
* It will show my child's hair length.
* It looks better.
* My daughter's hair is so "nappy". (I cringe at the word nappy.)
* Styling is easier with relaxed hair.
* She cries when I style her hair.
* I don't like her hair texture.
* I don't understand why her hair is not like my family's hair.
* The children at school make fun of her hair.
* She wants to be like her friends.
* Her father complains on how the hair looks.
* I want her to be like her friends.
* My family feels that she needs it.
* She is the only/few girls that are (insert racial background here) with afro hair and her classmates have straight hair.
* My friend's daughter's hair is relaxed and it is beautiful.
* My daughter cries because she feels different from every one.

These are just a few I have seen. Just a FEW! My thing is, the reasons above will be relevant to the person and makes sense to them...maybe not to me nor to you.  I know some of you are saying that some of the reasons are shallow.  But to the person, the reasons may be shallow...but valid, emotional or thoughtless to some. But it is what they truly feel, because they have to deal with their own situation at hand.

If you relax your child's hair, are you ready to care for it the way it should be cared for?  Did you do research to see what relaxed hair needs?  Did you consider how it will affect your child's developing scalp? Are you relaxed yourself, with a beautiful head of hair and plan on taking your daughter with you to get her hair done too (extra $$ spent)? Are you going to teach her how to care for it?

Now let us briefly talk about me.

My daughter, MadiMel, as you all know, has natural hair.  Am I planning to relax her? No.  Has the thought crossed my mind? Yes, before I started her natural hair journey (when mine started). I had my goal set on relaxing her hair when she turned 8,9 or 10 years old. My reasons were: Her hair was coarse, it was challenging to manage, thought it would look cute.  Basically, I just wanted to relax her hair and keep it moving.

Since she was a toddler, my train of thought was, How can I care for her hair now before I start relaxing it?  And guess what, I learned and conquered.  Since I educated myself and researched, there was and is no need for it.   It completely changed my mind about doing it at 8, 9 or 10 years old.  I just won't any more and you can see why.

And yes, she just turned 8 years old. I feel that she is young now and does not need it since I have done research to care for her natural hair while she was and is young.  She is extremely active, sits upside down to watch a show or movie, cartwheels, flips...she is too active.  If she decides to do it when she is much older and can afford it, I will share my techniques because I have been doing a decent job with my own relaxed hair.  She is currently learning how to care for her natural hair and she may just stick with it into her adult years.

Things to consider when relaxing your child's hair (some reiterated):

* The child's age
* Scalp sensitivity to chemicals
* Breakage if not cared for properly
* New growth
* Dryness
* Maintenance
* Time
* Knowledge is key, but will you put in the effort
* Money

Think about the things I mentioned above, before you make a big step as to relaxing your child's hair.

What other things would you say to someone who wants to relax their child's hair?
(Please be respectful within your comments below :-) )

Relaxer Stretching and Tips

I usually relax my new growth (NG) about anywhere between every 12-16 weeks.  The longest I have stretched was up to 17 weeks.  Now...I am currently at 28 weeks into my stretch.  From keeping the hair well moisturized to figuring out how to style it, it has been extremely challenging.  I have experienced mostly tangling which I have managed to conquer.  Without the use of a great conditioner, wide tooth comb and having patience...the stretch would have ended a long time ago.

Photo taken end of April 2012

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Relaxing 4-6 weeks seems to be the norm for many relaxed women to get a touch-up, the new growth (NG) that is... The average growth of hair for many of us happens to be half an inch per month.  If you calculate this with the amount of 4-6 weeks of getting a touch-up, there is not much NG to relax.  Most likely there will be overlapping of the relaxer which can cause a slew of things that can deteriorate the health of the hair.  We are talking about dry, brittle, breakage, thin and over processed hair. 

Remember that the new growth is stronger than the relaxed hair because it is "virgin" (without any chemical treatment).  The area where the relaxed hair and natural hair meets is called the Line of Demarcation (or Demarcation Line) and happens to be the weakest.  Without the proper care of the two textures combined, the hair can easily break off in that area causing short hairs to stick out every which way.   

Stretching is a great way to alleviate the above mentioned issues.  Maximizing the amount of time between touch-ups can benefit many.  The more NG there is, the more one can see where the relaxer should be applied during the next touch-up session.  This means the less experience of overlapping, over processed hair and much thicker hair.  Always remember that you will be dealing with two different hair textures.  To some it will be frustrating and to some it will be a breeze to manage.  Be prepared and embrace the process along the way. 

A good thing sometimes can be a bad thing for some.  Stretching may not work for everyone.  Some experience more shedding, severe breakage and the hair tangles a lot, causing knots.  When that happens, it is an indication that stretching is not working.

Moisture is extremely important during the time between touch-ups...anytime.  Co-washes (washing the hair with a moisturizing conditioner),  Prepoos (oil treatment) and deep conditioning will keep the hair manageable and soft.  

Protein treatments are extremely important to balance the hair's strength with the moisture.  This can be done on a monthly basis to ensure that the hair is strong enough to withstand the stretching.  Be cautious with the amount of protein that is used.  Too much of protein can cause the hair to feel dry and cause the hair to break.  Using a moisturizing conditioner afterwards will keep everything balanced and it is a must. 

Protective styling and low manipulation is a great way to maintain the hair during stretches.  The less the hair is messed with, the less breakage and stress to the hair strands.  Some protective styles that can help during stretches are braids, weaves, buns, roller sets, rod sets, etc.  Braid outs works great too and the advantage of this is because the NG and the processed hair blends well together.  This in turn also lessens the amount of tangling. 

Here are some tips has helped me during my stretch:

• I pre-poo before wash day by oiling my scalp and NG, put on a plastic cap and satin scarf overnight.
• Use a wide tooth comb to detangle with conditioner while sectioning the hair.
• Protein treatments are done monthly to reinforce the strength of my hair.
• I do a black tea rinse every so often to slow down the shedding.
• Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. I use either diluted conditioner mixed with coconut oil to spray my NG or Herbal Essence's Long Term Relationship Leave In.
• I wash my hair in sections in the shower, wash each one using my fingers in a downward motion to free the shed hair and to keep the hair from re-tangling.
• I co-wash more than I shampoo, shampooing can be drying if done too often.
• I deep condition with a moisturizing conditioner and oil after shampooing.
• Protective styling is a must for me because it keeps my hands out of my hair every day.
• Patience - without it, I would not be able to go through this stretch and cause more damage to my hair. 

Hope some of these things help you during your stretch.  What are tips that you can also share, what experiences have you encountered that you learned from?

Thanks for reading and God bless!